10/4/2020
In September of 2018, Kim and I received life changing news when I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma. What a journey it has been since then! In September of 2020, we received more life changing news, but with a very different feeling associated. This news came with fear and anxiety. We found out we are pregnant! Well… Kim is. I’ll touch on this after a brief cancer update…
It’s been almost two months since my brain surgery. It’s been a good couple of months with respect to my recovery and cancer. I haven’t had any new tumors or tumor growth in my body, which is wonderful news. I’ve had several infusions, all of which have gone well. The only difficult part has been that my oncologist was moved to a new clinic at Huntsman and getting my labs done at this clinic is always a challenge. For some reason, they seem to always be really far behind, which makes everything else get behind too. I manage to get through it though. I started PT for my hand and mouth last week. I think it’s helping. Typing this post is still challenging and full of mistakes, but I think it’s easier than the last one…
Back to the pregnancy. The story starts over 5 years ago when Kim and I first met. I didn’t want kids and Kim’s tubes were tied. A match made in heaven right?! Well we thought it was… About 6 months after getting married, Kim started to get promptings and brought them up. I was nervous, but never felt like we shouldn’t look into it. Kim found Utah Fertility Clinic (UFC) and we decided to look more into it. So, we drove to St. George to begin the process. UFC said all of our numbers looked great, but something just didn’t sit well with us, so Kim searched for another option. She came across East Bay Fertility Clinic and we scheduled an appointment. The doctor informed Kim that her numbers didn’t look the greatest, different than UFC. Dr. Andrew at East Bay also informed us that Kim had cysts on her ovaries that would impact any attempt at pregnancy. We eventually had to resort to a surgery to remove the cysts. That surgery happened in May 2017. The surgery was successful and we decided to do an embryo transfer the following month. So, in June 2017, we transferred 3 embryos and waited to find out the news. None of the embryos took. We were disappointed, but looking back, we both feel it was a good thing. My diagnosis was just a year later, followed by emergency surgeries and a lot of chaos surrounding my battle.
In October 2018, after my diagnosis, I had a strong impression that I wanted a child. Many have talked about the love they have for their children. I’ve never understood it. Part of me feels that in order for me to understand how God feels about all of us, I need to have my own children. I love Kim’s children, but I know my love for them is different than their mom’s love for them. I desire to know what I’m missing out on. Over the next 1.5 years, Kim and I waffled back and forth between trying again and hanging up the towel. As the cancer battle changed over and over again, our feelings of trying again also changed. Earlier this year, Kim and I finally decided that we wanted and needed to try again. The month of September had always stood out to me, so we set our sights on September of this year for another transfer.
Still terrified, but knowing we needed to try, we did the transfer. We transferred the remaining 3 embryos we had. Kim wasn’t supposed to do an at home pregnancy test, but she did. She wanted to surprise me like most couples get to. I was so caught off guard when she told me that she was pregnant that I didn’t know what to do. After another 6 or so positive tests, we were certain she was pregnant. A few days later, we had the blood test done at the clinic that confirmed the pregnancy. I think it’s safe to say that our families, especially the kids were shocked to hear the news. We had hid this process from the kids for 4.5 years! They had no idea! And they didn’t believe us for a while! I loved telling my family. This is the only time I will ever be able to tell them. We thoroughly enjoyed sharing that moment with them. The support has been wonderful! We find out shortly how many humans Kim is growing. For some reason, we have both felt there will be more than one, but of course, that hasn’t been confirmed. We are anxious to find out more and really begin preparing for what’s to come. I’m absolutely terrified, to be honest! I don’t know how to be a dad, I’ve always struggled with little kids. I didn’t hold a baby until I was 26 and he was forced upon me by family! I also have stage 4 cancer.
I’m sure many people question our decision given my health circumstances. My simple response is that God will provide. We followed promptings and we trust that we will be taken care of. For some, that may be hard to comprehend, but we have learned to simply move forward in faith and simply trust in His plan for us. We can’t wait to see what the future holds!
#FaithOverFear
